VULNERABILITY ALERT
(My testimony publicly-This is a 20-25 minute read, please take some time-it is a picture of my life)

I lay here thinking about all the things that have happened in my life and compare it to now and it seems like a dream. Like my past is someone else’s life that I just heard about and wondered how they survived.

I then look at life now and everything that is around me, at Jesus and what The Lord has taught me and how he is guiding my every step, making me into a better man day by day according to who He wants me to be and I realize that I am actually so excited to be alive and that this life that God has given me after He rescued me from my past is incredible and it is also like a dream. It’s a dream that I hope I never wake up from. It is real though!

I get to live this spectacular gift of a life, serving the God who created all things, knowing that He loves me and wants me to be part of His plan here in the world.
And it’s not a dream. It is just the truth. I get to show others the awesome truth of this also.

As I write this I have a song running through my mind:

“Oh! Happy day! Happy day! You washed my sin away
Oh! Happy day! Happy day!
I’ll never be the same.

Oh… what a glorious day
What a glorious way
That you have saved me!
Oh, what a glorious day
What a glorious name,
JESUS!”

As I have been growing in relationships with God and with people, something that has come up in my mind is how people live out fear of man on a day to day basis and how I also still have some fear of man in me which prevents me from being able to fully live out what God directs me in.

I have needed to ask myself if I am obeying God fully, or if sometimes I am holding back. Have I ever been withholding prayer from someone because I am worried about what they may think or even what others around would think? Have I held back from worshiping God and falling on my knees in praise and worship because somebody might think I am faking humility or anything else? Have I not spoken out what God tells me to say because I feared judgment from others?

The questions come down to 2 things:
Is what I am doing out of obedience to God, or because I know that people are watching?
And do I know that I am fully accepted by God and is that enough?

Humility has a lot to play in answering these questions. Am I really living so humble to God that I am willing to obey Him even though others may judge me?
-The one who’s influence affects my life the most reveals my heart and shows who I fear most in each moment. God or people.

As a missionary, it is so important to take this into consideration at all times. I know that others are watching me and so I need to remember to remain obedient to God during each and every decision I make without being swayed by the expectations of people.

This is something that can become an issue for some missionaries because they might start to feel like they need to “impress” those who support them in order to maintain the financial support, but in this, they are forgetting that their provider is ultimately God and their support is not determined by how they can impress a supporter but it is determined solely by one thing. God’s will.

(Vulnerability below: a lot of it.)

I have tried to impress others before without even realizing it and what happens by doing this is that some people in the mission field are presented as these flawless people who look like they are all put together from the outside looking in and others don’t see that these missionaries also have issues that they are dealing with and that they also have their own crap they need to work on and grow in with God.
This illusion of a perfect person can lead others to think that they aren’t able to make a difference in the world or can’t be used by God without first becoming flawless in life.
That is a lie.
There is only one perfect person and that person is JESUS.

Everyone has areas they need to grow in and everyone has an ugly past that is filled with sin. Jesus frees us from the penalty of sin but that doesn’t instantly make us perfect.
God constantly uses messed up people for His purposes who are merely willing to listen and obey. People who are not only hearers of His word but also doers of it. (James 1:22)

God will mold and shape and grow each person throughout the journey as they learn to be humble.

Since no person is perfect, that means that God uses imperfect people for incredible things which means that both you and I are qualified to do what He calls us to.
Bill Johnson, Heidi Baker, Todd White.
Imperfect people who are willing to hear and obey without being held back by the fear of man.

Ezekiel was called to lay on his side for 430 days and eat food over cow excrement. An imperfect man who was willing to hear and obey God without being held back by fear of others opinions.

This being said, I have never publicly posted my life’s story/testimony for the reason that I have feared what people would think of me upon hearing it but that is all wrong.

The following is a short summary of my life. Please read till the end. (If you would like me to elaborate on something, please feel free to ask and if you misunderstand something, please send me an email and I would love to talk)

This is a life that I think back on now and feel like it is not my own and I wonder how I survived some things but it shows the amazing patience God had for me.

          –I accepted Jesus when I was 4 years old and was very spiritual and could hear God speak to me since a very young age. I had no doubts and I was excited about The Lord.
          –When I was 10, I got baptized and confirmed that I wanted my life to be for Jesus but then I fell into a trap.
          –I tried having sex with an older girl that liked me when I was 10 and I remember at that time hearing God tell me that what I was doing was wrong, so I stopped at that point but it left me wondering.
          –at 13 I had sex for the first time and then I couldn’t stop thinking about it so I sought after every opportunity I could find with any girl, twisting my mind up.
          –(growing up ever since I can remember, I was the one kid that got bullied and picked on the most from both kids and teachers and I had a very abusive biological father who gave me a twisted view of what a dad was supposed to look like. Suicide was a good looking option many times and I had tried to end my life on multiple occasions)
          –from 13 to 15 I started experimenting with drugs and smoking which got my mind off the fact that I was being beat up all the time, and this led to selling knives and drugs which I hoped would stop the bullying I received.
          –after getting my life threatened by some people, I was terrified in my home town and so I moved to Victoria when I was 15, started working immediately, met a girl, and at 16 we got engaged but that fell apart. After that, I ended up homeless for a while where life wasn’t at all desirable and so I fell into a world of drug addiction and lust and I smothered myself with anything to mask reality while I lived in a crack house that people used for shooting up, snorting, smoking various drugs, having sex, abusing each other etc. you name it.
          –finally after a while of being addicted, a guy saw me and made an effort to help me and remove me from that lifestyle before I ended up dead. He was like a big brother to me and one of the first men that actually cared about me and treated me well. (Mike, if you ever read this, thank you..)
          –I then resolved to join the military after Mike had helped me get clean and I found out during basic training that the army would not work for me. (Ask for details if you’d like)
          –after returning to Victoria, I was 19 and things got a bit better as I got into sales and after realizing that I had a talent for it, I started working for a cell phone company and things were looking good. I had money, a house, some friends, I was clean of the drugs etc.
          –This only led me into getting involved with more women sexually and I continued living a life that was stamped with lust, learning massage therapy and hypnosis all for the purposes of my addiction to lustful things. I got involved with a new age  thing that closely resembled a cult and began abusing the life I had been given again.
          –I started a health business, got fit and gained some muscle, and upon the business failure, I had a lot of debt and couldn’t pay it, so my solution to this problem was a big step in a downward direction. (I have thought about this and there is no good way to put it) I decided that it was a good idea to become a male stripper and sell myself for money. This again brought me into a world even more full of lust and depravity of mind that led to new lows in my life.
          –after a year of living that lifestyle, I heard God tell me to stop and I actually listened to His voice and moved away from Victoria to the middle of Canada.
          –I became a train conductor and since it paid a lot of money, it gave me more opportunities to engage in my sickness of lust and It just got worse and worse and worse with the invite of many women and various choices that were ungodly and sinful.

In short, I have lived a life that is full of bad choices and God has been there during every single one. God had a plan for me the entire time, even while I was sleeping in baseball dugouts and begging for a piece of bread to eat. Doing twisted things just for a hit that lasted 30 seconds.

After it all, God finally woke me up and I chose to rededicate my life to Jesus, giving my hands and whole self to him, which is when he again spoke to me and eventually called me to go into missions.

He called me… a messed up person to do extraordinary things and He said that He would provide. I obeyed and 2 years later, I find myself in Taiwan, thriving in the love of God and growing in understanding of the bible daily. Having studied the bible intensively for 8 months and preaching the gospel in Taiwan, God has totally redeemed me, restored me and made me a brand new person. Guiding me more every day, He shows His mercy and forgiveness and shows that He can use anyone for His purposes.

I know that what is written above is not pretty, nor am I completely comfortable sharing it with everyone, but I hope it can encourage you to know that I am a real man who has lived a real life that was messy and yet, God still has chosen to use me and make me into a man that He wants me to be. I am still learning and will be learning forever. Every person has a story and no matter what that story looks like, you can also be used by God. He just wants people that are willing to say yes. Hear and obey.

Be a doer of the word

I pray that you now are being spoken to in this and that you are encouraged and not burdened with this. I pray that God speaks to you clearly and that your ears are opened to hearing His guidance, whatever that may be.

Success in the eyes of God, is not looking good for the world. It is being obedient to what He says to you in each moment. That might be missions overseas, that might be missions in your workplace somehow, it could be just within your own family household, maybe it’s in the way of support for others needs, or maybe it is just for you to pray and be an intercessor.
Whatever it is, success is a matter of hearing what God says to you and obeying Him in that moment.

God bless you.

Love is the Answer, Humility is the Key, Jesus is the Way!

Your brother,
Jacob President