-I am learning how to speak to God more and how to hear Him more clearly every day.
Today during church worship I walked by the water and spoke with God. I heard Him and wasn’t sure and let Him know that.
What he told me was very biblical though and confirmed. My worries need to stop as tomorrow has enough trouble of its own.

I know that I will stay with YWAM if God wants me to and I believe He does. Now I know that I will be going to Nepal if the funding arrives and I am ok with that. It is not where I want to go but God made it very clear to me that Nepal is where I am supposed to be on missions.

What He wants is what I want. Period. I am here to be used by God.

Throughout life I have learned to recognize some of the ways God speaks to me. One of those ways is through my dreams, but not in the way that you would expect.
I have so many dreams and write them down whenever I can and sometimes get lazy. Almost every time, I have no idea what they mean and they seem so farfetched.
Every so often I will have dejavue and see everything around me exactly as it has been before. These times are almost always in a place I’ve never been before.
I have understood this as Gods way of saying to me, “you are on the right path and I am with you”.
This week I have had dejavue 4 times already which is pretty unheard of. Again, in places I’ve never been before such as Hawaii.
Basically, I have a dream, forget it, then God shows it to me in real life to let me know that everything is going as planned.

What a great and interesting God I love.

God has a sense of humor. Tonight, the location of my 3 month outreach to the nations was confirmed and it is exactly where I expected it to be. This should be a good thing but I am sad about it. I am not excited about the team I am going with and find it ironic who is going. If you could pick any 5 people in my 42 person class that I have a challenging relationship with, it would be these 5…
I am putting Gods plan first though and He knows better then I do so that is why I am going to this place with these people. It is not about me that is for sure. I guess if I want to be a missionary for my life then I need to accept the fact that I will be around people who are challenging and this is a good start in that light.

I want to finish my DTS lecture here and I do want to go on the outreach also but right now I am feeling down about it.. I don’t have the money anyway but if God wants me to have it, He will provide. I feel like if God doesn’t provide the funding then I won’t be totally broken down though. However, am I supposed to make an extra effort to get support financially even though I’m not stoked about going with my team.
Sigh.. I am torn. I feel tears within me but I also feel nothing on the outside.
Like some sort of strange acceptance that my life isn’t mine to be selfish with anymore.
Will God bring me a special lady to marry one day? Will I be a traveling missionary forever? Where will I go and who will it be with?
So many questions that may not be answered soon.
Anyway. The place is Nepal and my team is Christoph, Kelsey, Jon, Rachel, Natalia and I. Leaders of the team are Austin and Anne.
I am happy that Anne and Austin are the team leaders as I like them both.